Keep Me Honest!

Two Months Later…

lavenderleo22 — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 16:11:38 +0000

OK, so after a long time without one, here’s an update. Still holding steady at my loss of 65 pounds, which is fantastic as I’ve been off-program for about a month. I haven’t gained any weight back! I consider that a success since I’ve been eating again. But there is some bad news. And it all has to do with the horror that is: REFEEDING. (cue scary-movie lightning crash and woman screaming)

I was excited by the prospect of a short trip to Chicago in the summer, with a friend and to visit a friend while there. I was also excited by the thought of wearing a 2-piece bathing suit this summer without feeling so darn self-conscious. (I had a really cute one last year, a long tank top and a sarong-style skirt bottom with the bikinis underneath, but it fell the unfortunate victim of several, shall we say, wardrobe malfunctions (blush)… and after numerous attempts to sew and mend, I finally gave up & threw it away. My consolation is, it’d be too big now anyway.) In any case, my friend that did the program before and I decided to go back on the modified version and lose some weight before this trip at the beginning of July. Her goal: 10 pounds. Mine: 20 pounds. In 2 months, I thought, not so unreasonable.

I just didn’t count on being sick, nauseous & in pain. AGAIN.

This is the second attempt I’ve made to restart the modified program with the shakes and both times, I’ve had issues, with the pain and the swelling and the nausea. During the re-feeding process, when I attempted to go off-program and try to eat again, I started out with a fun trip to the ER in the middle of the night where I was convinced I was having a heart attack and honestly worried I would die. But the attending physician ran a chest X-ray, did a physical exam of my torso area and ran 2 sets of blood tests to test for gall bladder and for heart trouble. All the tests came out FINE. He called it “atypical chest pain” – medical jargon for “hell if we know, if it hurts again come see us and we’ll stick the crud out of your arm with another IV”. Again, small consolation – cute guy nurse took the second round of bloodwork and didn’t hurt me at all and he was very sweet. I should totally have asked him out – was I not slightly concerned about my lack of sexiness with bedhead ponytail, no makeup, IV-arm, vomit-breath (did I mention I threw up violently for about half an hour before the heart attack-like pain eased up?) and oh yeah, the oh-so-chic hospital gown. Maybe I’m wrong, it probably went nicely with my Snow White socks…

After a month and a half taking copious amounts of Gas-X, and twice the daily recommended dose of either Pepcid or Prilosec (sometimes both, the doctor at the program recommended both actually), I thought I was finally starting to adjust. HALLELUJAH! Only… no. Wrong. I came off the Pepcid and started throwing up, all the time, to where I was having to take time off work a lot for it because it would leave me so weak and shaken. After the very sad passing & visitation of our family friend Anna, we ate at Sonny’s – a welcome treat to me, as it was a favorite before the program & I hadn’t had it in maybe a year and a half, 2 years at this point – and I thought I stopped eating in plenty of time to not do any damage, and only had a couple bites of bread. Nope. No such luck. The person in the stall next to me prolly thought we were filming the story of a bulimic for a Lifetime Movie. I had no control over the upchuck reflex. So much for enjoying some ribs now & again… sigh.

This morning it was a cup of yogurt with some Jell-o cubes in it. I have those all the time because it’s a nice fairly low-calorie, healthy snack; I’ve been eating them now & again for breakfast. Now, 2 hours later, I’m just recovering (thanks to 3 Gas-x, yes, thats what it took) and breathing okay and the pain in my chest has eased up. I’ve had those over the past month and been fine. The difference? I’ve been back on shakes for 2 days. Still eating food, mind you.

The only logical conclusion I can deduce is that something in those shakes, if in my body, causes my digestive system to respond adversely to dairy products and possibly other foods (not sure yet). The whole reason I went on this program was so I wouldn’t have to have weight-loss surgery and the adverse side effects. I was told I would get to live a normal life again. But having to deal with acid reflux, vomiting, heart-attack like chest pain and lactose intolerance on an almost daily basis is NOT a normal life.

I think I’m going back (after 6 weeks of total silence from them, they haven’t even called to check up on me, despite the fact that they knew about my ER visit & heart concerns) to address these problems. I want some reassurance that yes, I WILL get to live a normal life after the program. Or who to blame if my digestive system does not regain some sense of normalcy.

You take the good and the bad

lavenderleo22 — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 15:15:42 +0000

The good news: I’m down 65 points at this point, although for about a month there I had almost no progress (believe it or not I was actually sticking to the program too well – I let up for a week and zoom! the pounds started falling off again). I have at least 68.25″ off (I think it’s more than that now actually, next time is my measurement so we’ll see).

But… as the Wheel of Fortune spins, there have been a couple of downsides.

The bad news: Getting back to somewhat ordinary food, even a meal a day, is proving daunting. Not because I’m eating too much of it, but because half of these things I’m not used to are giving me reflux and/or stomach-swelling gas, and that’s a pretty miserable feeling. I switched to modified because coming off the medication made doing the liquid long-term pretty much impossible, especially now that I’ve picked up my exercise. I was just getting way too hungry and wasn’t able to think clearly – clear signs you are NOT getting enough calories to function.

The annoying news: Something’s up with the program. They were supposed to have budgeted me when I signed up and took out the loan to cover all my products up to the end (which should have been in March, as far as I knew – I have two more doctor visits, labs, tests, etc. paid for, and those only come once a month – yeah, you figure it out, I sure couldn’t). But, no. All I was able to get this time (without paying extra, which of course I couldn’t do) was one box of 7 bars – for the “lifetime member reduced price” of $13. For everyone else, it’s about $18. GAH! I had the last of my program bars this morning. I’m going to see if Slim-Fast high protein bars are reasonably close to the same # of calories, because they cost WAY less. Thank goodness I have a cabinet full of shakes from meals I’ve skipped along the way. I can still stay on this for the next month or 2 and not buy any products, but I can’t help feeling a little cheated. Oh well.

The brighter news: After 6 and a half months on the program, I have a good grasp on how to lose the weight and keep it off. I know how to read the labels on everything now. I know what a portion size should and shouldn’t be (for me, at least). And I’m exercising at least for a little while every day. I’m much healthier and happier now than I’ve ever been. So, it’s been worth all the struggle.

For other things in life, however, I choose to go a much easier route.

The halfway mark

lavenderleo22 — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:06:12 +0000

I only lost one more pound this week, probably due to stress from what happened Sunday, but still following the plan & doing my best. Also incorporating more exercise now. Hey, as long as I’m losing! And people are noticing. Both Resa & Eric commented on it. Resa called me “Mini-You!” She’s so sweet. I’m really going to miss her…

Randomly, I found an old before picture – from when I joined the TOPS program a few years ago (sadly, that didn’t help) – and I had no idea I had changed so much until I saw that picture. I’ll have to scan it & put it on here, the difference is just crazy! I don’t even look like the same person. Since I’m only halfway now, I find myself wondering what I’ll look like when all this is over…

WEEKS ON THE PROGRAM: 18

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 55 lb.

INCHES LOST: 55.5 (I think I measure next time I go in, this should go up too)

STILL TO GO: 54 lb.

Only up 3!

lavenderleo22 — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:26:08 +0000

After having been away traveling for over a week & having to eat at least one meal every day, I only gained 3 pounds! I think that’s pretty awesome. I went right back on the program as soon as I got back here. They’re expecting me to have lost that 3 back off, plus another 3, by next week, so I’m going to try my best. Hoping to get new pix to put up soon.

PS – I forgot to put updates on here from last week, so here’s that: I had lost another 3.5 pounds, which put me at losing 51.5 before I left. Awesome huh?!

WEEKS ON THE PROGRAM: 16

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 48.5 lb.

INCHES LOST: 55.5

STILL TO GO: 65 lb. (approx.)

Yes! 5 more pounds!

lavenderleo22 — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:06:27 +0000

What can I say? It was a good week! And that was thru Thanksgiving, with me on the modified plan for that week so I could eat some turkey. Woohoo!

They did the metabolism-measuring test again and found that I now have more lean body muscle weight than fat weight, the water in my cells has gone up (replacing the fat so they can function better), and as is natural when you lose a substantial amount of weight your metabolism goes down some (I think I’m burning about 150 less calories than originally was) but mine is still in a very good range. So, all good news!

They said based on the test results I can lose about 5 more pounds safely than we originally thought, if I want to, but that it’s not necessary if my BMI and general health are within good limits. I guess I can always decide about that later.

The real question now is… what the heck am I going to wear to Florida in 10 days?! Wishing I had my old clothes from college now! This is the size I was 7 years ago!

WEEKS ON THE PROGRAM: 15

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 48 lb.

INCHES LOST: 40+ (I get measured again I think either next time or the time after)

STILL TO GO: 65 lb. (I was going from the wrong number before so I have less left to lose than I thought!)

That’s 3 1/2 more

lavenderleo22 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:36:02 +0000

A week of hard work paid off. 3 and a half more pounds off. Now if I can just exercise more next week, I think I’ll see even better results. They told me I should easily hit the 50 pound loss mark before I go on my vacation to Florida. I know that the week I’m down there, I’ll do some damage, but hopefully I can limit it to just a few pounds. At least it’s coming along!

WEEKS ON THE PROGRAM: 14

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 43 lb.

INCHES LOST: 40+

STILL TO GO: 70 lb.

sigh Another bad week…

lavenderleo22 — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:58:59 +0000

After alot of stress and worry and hurt from several different sources in different areas of my life, it was no wonder I didn’t do well this week. I messed up 3 out of 7 days, and while I didn’t just go with junk in my mouth and stop exercising, it still showed. Back up the half a pound I lost last week. I can’t work myself up to get upset over it – after the week I’ve had, it seems fairly trivial – but my nurse said I have to stop responding to stress by refusing to eat or have a shake until I get all woozy and then being so weak at the end of the day that I give in and eat something for that physiological response of comfort and relief (which is what happened). She gave me homework, first I’ve had from the program – I have to make a list of 25 things (not people) that I love, or at least as close as I can come to that. I tried to think of that some last night on the way home and found it surprisingly difficult. In any case, I guess it’s kind of like Maria vonTrapp from The Sound of Music and her “favorite things” – when life is bad, she “thinks of her favorite things” (instead of going down to Frau Schmidt in the kitchen to ask for a wiener schnitzel). So another 7 days ahead, another chance to get back going and do my best. I really am going to try.

In the meantime, I leave you with the melodious voice of Julie Andrews and a bit of rainstorm fun…

My Favorite Things

WEEKS ON THE PROGRAM: 13

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 39.5 lb.

INCHES LOST: 40+ (I meant to ask the exact # but I forgot)

STILL TO GO: 74 lb. (approx.)

This week’s update

lavenderleo22 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:11:42 +0000

OK, so yesterday was weigh-in time, and after busting my tail end on exercise (I doubled my usual amount, so went from half an hour 4 times a week to an hour 4 times this week), I was expecting a huge loss – not so much. But they tell me that’s normal, that when you really bump up your exercise like that, for the first week or so it doesn’t show because your body is retaining fluid while the muscles heal. Anyway, another half a pound, so yay for that. They said expect a big week next week. It was also measuring week, but I don’t remember exactly how many inches – it was a LOT, 3 inches off my waist alone and lost everywhere else except the thighs (of course *sigh*) and my calves & ankles - so the exercise is paying off and will pay off more next week.

WEEKS ON THE PROGRAM: 12

WEIGHT LOSS TO DATE: 40 lb.

INCHES LOST: 40+ (I don’t remember the exact #, I’ll try to find out next week)

STILL TO GO: 74 lb. (approx.)

Pics (before & after)

lavenderleo22 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:03:27 +0000

Before

After

As you can see, I’ve still got a long way to go, but 40 pounds is 40 pounds, and I’ve lost a lot of inches, so I’m down almost 3 sizes. Can’t complain about that!

Oh wow!

lavenderleo22 — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:43:42 +0000

I had a pretty good week this week and only fell half a pound shy of 40 pounds! When I went for my visit at the clinic, the counselors’ jaws dropped and they insisted on taking another picture (even though I’m not technically at the halfway point yet) because the change is that dramatic. If they’ll send me the before picture and the current one, I’ll post them on here so you all can see the difference. It really was unbelievable. Like, I knew I had lost a lot and my clothes were falling off, but I had no idea it showed that much! Woohoo! One of them said I was a hottie and I got all embarassed and blushed. I said I was sorry, I’m just not used to hearing something like that, and she said “You better get used to it!”

I was excited. Yesterday I wore a button-up shirt I haven’t been able to wear since I moved up here over 2 years ago, with room to spare; my old jeans, and – get ready – a BELT. I really haven’t worn one of those in ages! And it was looser than when I DID wear it before! I am just so HAPPY! This makes it all worth it.

WEEKS ON THE PROGRAM: 11